


an opportunity missed

by sorexx



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Dreams, F/M, My R - Freeform, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, inspired by animatic, is that even a spoiler anymore tho, my r fic, spoiler for 707's real name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 10:48:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13785891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sorexx/pseuds/sorexx
Summary: just as i was about to take my shoes off on the rooftop there i see...(or, a 'my r' songfic inspired bythis animatic)





	an opportunity missed

**Author's Note:**

> warning for suicide attempts ): 
> 
> [inspo from here; please watch it's really good!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI-zmlKLuz4)

you see a boy just as you reach down to untie your shoes.

you stand back up, brows furrowing. he is tall. his hair is long in its ponytail. it's a shade of gray, lighter than the hue of the sky with all the swollen clouds. your eyes drift upwards, then back to him. he's facing away from you, knuckles white from clenching onto the rail so tightly. it takes a second for you to realize why he's up here with you. as he toes off one of his shoes, somebody flips a switch in your brain. 

despite yourself, you find yourself screaming, "hey, don't do it please!" 

the boy stiffens. startled, he whips around, a deer caught in a headlight. with wide, red eyes, he looks down at you, lips slightly open. 

wait a minute. what did you just say? 

your nails dig into your skin as you clench your fists against your sides, swallowing. this isn't how it was supposed to go down. he wasn't supposed to be up here. it was supposed to be empty, a private space for you to do as you wished. he's ruining everything.  _you_ ruined everything by speaking to him. 

"what?" he asks, voice soft. 

you tremble. casting your gaze downwards, you manage out a, "what's wrong." 

he repeats, "what?" 

you look up again. his eyes are quite literally red. not bloodshot - though they are slightly - but the irises flush scarlet. "i said," you breathe, "what's. wrong." 

you take a few steps forward. he lets go of the rail with one of his hands, an inquisitive expression on his face. "why?" 

"just tell me," you spit through clenched teeth. "tell me why you're about to... to go. to jump." 

the boy licks his lips. he inhales through his nose, looking up at the sky. you look up, too. it's cloudy. darker than his hair. the thought is familiar. you can't really remember anything these days. 

"you've probably heard it all before," he murmurs, closing his eyes. "i really thought that she would be the one. i loved her. i loved her so much. i loved her more than i love myself, and i love myself a lot," he shakes his head. "or, at least, i did. she was perfect. i wanted to marry her. i envisioned what our kids would look like. she's the kind of person you could never get tired of." 

you feel emotion well up inside your chest. you can't put a name to it, though you know where this is going.

he sighs. "but then she told me she was done."

"oh, for god's sake, please, are you serious? i just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me," you mumble to yourself, huffing. louder, you say, "are you upset 'cuz you can't have what you wanted? you're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!" you take a deep breath. "don't jump over some girl. she isn't worth it, no matter how... perfect she is. or how good the relationship was. she moved on, it's time for you to move on, too. you're handsome. you can get anyone. don't waste everything on a dumb girl!" 

the boy seems to consider that for a moment. he looks around him. he looks past the rail, down at the ground below. shivering, he turns back to you, a soft smile on his face. to your surprise, he leans over and wraps his arms around you. "i feel better. thank you for listening." 

you're stiff. you aren't use to this. "sure," you say dumbly. he lets go of you, still smiling. "are you okay?" 

he nods. "i'm going home. i have to think. thank you." 

you watch him walk to the rooftop entrance. he looks at you one last time, waves, and descends down the stairs. 

you wait until you're sure he's gone. turning back around, you face the rail one last time. the drop is long. below you, the people look like ants. you hate ants. today isn't the day.

sighing, you tie your shoe again and leave the rooftop. 

~

you dream of an actor. he is nameless. he has long hair and strange eyes, and he is sweet, and he cares about you. your camera roll is filled with his pictures. you raise your phone to your face and scroll through them. even with all the pictures, you don't know his name. even with all the pictures, you can't see what his face looks like. even with all the pictures, you yearn to look at him again. 

he is ripped away from you at the press of a button.

~

' _alright. today's the day._ ' you think, pulling both shoes off. they dangle from two fingers. you approach the roof feeling the rough gravel through your socks. 

there's a boy at the railing. he is small. his hair is yellow and pulled back with bobby pins. he is at the same place the other boy was. you swallow, dropping your shoes. they hit the ground with a  _thud,_ alerting the boy of your presence. he turns around. violet eyes light up when he sees you. 

softly, you say, "hey. don't do it please." 

the boy gasps. he cocks his head, eyes turning glassy. "why shouldn't i? what's the point of living? everyone ignores me. everyone steals. i don't fit in with anyone here." he sniffs, reaching up to wipe his nose with his sleeve. "my cousin is gone. she did this. maybe... maybe if i do it, too, i'll get to see her again. maybe i'll feel closer to her." 

not this again. you can't believe you didn't come up here sooner. will you ever manage to get up here without having to talk someone down? "you won't feel anything at all!" you exclaim, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "you won't feel  _anything._ you'll be gone. the last thing you feel is the drop in your stomach from free-falling!" scowling, you continue. "you're still loved by everyone at home. do you want them to feel the same pain you're feeling right now? what if they try to do the same thing you're doing for your cousin? i'm sorry. i'm sorry your cousin did that to herself. but you don't have to. she's still with you in your memories. if you jump, you won't have any memories. you still have other family and friends who love you. there's always dinner waiting on the table, you know." 

it's getting late. the sun is dipping below the horizon. 

a tear rolls down his cheek. "i'm hungry," he says, chuckling softly. he doesn't wipe it away. instead, he picks up your hand and raises it to his lips. eyes wide, you let him do it, swallowing as he kisses it and lets go. "thank you. i appreciate you. you're my guardian angel. get home safe, okay?" he waves goodbye, then disappears down the stairs. 

you watch him leave. you examine the hand he kissed, fingers ghosting over the spot. "i'm not," you whisper, throat burning. "but thank you." 

you feel the rough gravel through your socks as you walk to the railing. it's cold underneath your fingers. it's getting late. the sun is dipping below the horizon. it casts an array of pinks and oranges across the pale blue sky. you don't think you've ever seen something quite as pretty. looking down, you count how many ant-people there are. since it's late, there's only a few. still, you hate ants. you chew on your lip. apparently, today isn't the day, either. you slip your shoes back on, walk to the rooftop door, and walk down the stairs. 

~

a single purple eye blinks at you from the pillow next to yours. you can't see his face, but he has yellow hair. it falls into his eye. he sweeps it away and laughs. your heart flutters at the sound. 

something hops onto the bed by your feet. it purrs and snuggles underneath your arm. it's soft to the touch. he reaches out to pet it. just before he brushes your cheek, he is torn away from you. in a dark expanse of black, you curl into a ball and wrap your arms around your knees, sobbing at the thought of another red button.

~

the next day you go back. he has dark hair. he tells you of his struggles with a cool voice. you hear it shake a little. 

that night, you dream of cats and a businessman and wine and abstract pools of crimson that leave the other side of your bed empty when you touch it. 

~

a girl. she is too stressed. her job is overworking her. 

an assistant whose apartment smells of coffee. in this dream, there are no cats. in this dream, the two of you are happy and in love until you aren't, and you feel empty.

~

you pry the gun from his hands. why is he on the rooftop? 

there are flowers and soft, colored hair and unnatural eyes and a purple suit and you don't really know where you are, only that you don't think you could bare to be without him. and then he's gone. 

~

he has blue hair and blue eyes. an anomaly. he wears glasses, yet there is no sun. he lives a double life. 

you are surrounded by beautiful photographs and a soothing voice. he tells you he doesn't need to see to know you are beautiful. when you can't see anymore, you shatter.

~

you have heard many stories. you have talked many people down from the rooftop. you have climbed down those stairs many times, afraid of the ant-people that inhabit the ground below you. there is nobody to talk to you. every day, you go back up to the rooftop. you talk to them. you listen to their stories, you make them turn away. 

and nobody talks to you. everything bubbles inside of you, a sick passion you can't quite bring to a boil. it sits in there and simmers and simmers and simmers. the heat stays the same. nothing changes. 

you let it simmer. 

~

he has red hair and yellow glasses. he faces away from you. you're used to it by now; you've done this time and time again. 

he senses your presence. without turning around, he sighs. "hello." the yellow on his jacket matches his glasses.

the sky is a crystalline blue. 

"hello." you swallow. "how are you doing?" 

the boy snorts. "well, and you?" 

"well." you stop a little bit behind them. "why are you up here?" 

his shoes are off. he turns his head. your shoes are, too. 

"i just wanna stop the scars that grow every time that i go home." he looks past the rails again, fingers flexing on the metal. "that's why i came up here, instead."

that's what the boy in the glasses says. 

you can't argue with him. it's a personal narration of your own reason for climbing up the stairs to the rooftop. to try and counteract him would be to counteract yourself. 

he climbs up to the railing. he must have good balance - he doesn't waver. instead he holds his arms out perpendicular to his body, smiling. the wind blows his hair. 

still. you can't let him go. he's the only one who can understand you. 

did you say anything? you can't remember saying anything. even so, he laughs like you said something hilarious. the boy goes to step off the railing. 

" _hey, don't do it please!_ "

despite yourself, you launch yourself at him. grabbing his hood, you wrap your arms around his waist and pull back. he's heavier than you thought - you topple backwards, taking him with you. 

he lands on top of you. immediately, he rolls off, rising to sit on his knees. "eh? are you okay?!" 

your head throbs. "i'm fine-" 

"why did you stop me?!" he demands. "don't you understand? i can't be here anymore! it's too much for me!" 

you sit up, clutching your head. "i know what you're going through!" you shout back. "i can't argue with you. just... don't. it gets better." 

"scars don't get better. scars are there forever. they don't go away." 

shaking your head, you reach out to him. "scars fade. they may not disappear completely, but they can fade." he looks at your hand. instead of taking it, he adjusts his glasses. 

you let your hand drop. his expression is pitiful. maybe this won't work. maybe you've bitten off more than you can chew. when he doesn't say anything, you whisper, "please." 

the boy groans, running his fingers through his already unruly hair. "i guess today just is not my day." 

from the ground, you watch him rise to his feet. he picks up his shoes and walks to the door. without turning around, he does a two-finger salute and disappears. 

when he leaves, you bring your knees to your chest and cry. you don't leave the rooftop until there are too many ant-people for comfort. 

~

this dream is the worst. 

it is happiness turned tragedy. 

it is comfort turned sorrow.

it is everything you ever wanted turned empty, a void of anything. you are sucked into a black hole you cannot escape from. 

yellow is your favorite color. when you look beyond yellow frames, you are home. 

you sit on his lap as he types on his computer. 

you hide in the closet as you wait to scare him as he comes by. 

you hold his hand as he discovers his lost brother. 

you feel the warmth of his arm around your waist as you laugh along with him, a hacker, an actor, a student, a businessman, an assistant, and a photographer. 

and then everything is destroyed. 

at the press.

of a button. 

~

the rooftop is empty. 

today is the day. 

it's only you. 

there is nobody to talk down. nobody to interfere. you look past the railing. there are clouds in the sky, but not enough to mask the glow of the sun. below you, there are no ant-people. they are somewhere else. they have given you this liberty. 

you have waited this long. 

you toe off your shoes. you take off your yellow jacket. you undo your ponytail. you are quite small, so it takes extra effort to climb onto the railing. 

you feel alive for the first time in forever. the wind whips your hair around. it blows in your face. the air is cold up here; you shiver without your jacket. the euphoric feeling of finally,  _finally,_ being able to do what you've wanted for so long settles in your stomach. the heat has turned off. there, the simmering cools until stagnant. it's still there, but the pressure is gone. there is no smoke to fill your lungs. there is only  _free._

you take a deep breath. 

you step off the railing-

and then you're back on. 

there's a hand wrapped around your wrist. the hand yanks you backwards. caught in a silent scream, you gasp when two arms wrap around your waist. somebody presses you against their body, stepping backwards. 

no.  _no._

you thrash around, shrieking, "let me go! let me  _go!"_

a familiar voice next to your ear murmurs, "why?" 

you still. you turn your head. it's the boy with the yellow eyes. it's the boy with the yellow glasses, and the red hair. he sets you down, but keeps a hand around your wrist. remembering what he said when you asked him the same, you choke out, "i just wanna stop the scars that grow every time i go home." 

the boy smiles. "scars fade. they may not disappear completely, but they can fade." he slides his hand from your wrist to your own, interlocking your fingers. "don't do it, please." 

when you blink at him, mouth agape, he smiles. "my name is saeyoung. come with me. i have some people i want you to meet."

~

you have nightmares of red buttons and broken hearts. 

when you wake up, he is still laying next to you. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> BITCH i wrote this all in one sitting skfnskdnvlsnvl 
> 
> check out my other mysme fics!! i also have voltron if you like those gays skjfnk
> 
> thanks for reading/commenting/kudos-ing <3333


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